Monday, May 21, 2012

Decisions Decisions

I am generally not a wishy-washy type of person, but the past few months have been a true emotional roller coaster. Things have definitely been leveling off; however, I can't help but feel that things are still not as they should be. Have you ever felt that way?

Some things are going really well. Like the fact that I have managed to maintain consistent weight loss and still make good food choices despite the emotional turmoil. I have not turned to food at all. I can't say that I've ever been an emotional eater, but I have been one that would eat when I was bored. Now I stop to ask myself if I'm fooling myself into thinking I'm hungry or if I really am needing nourishment. Those of you who know me...know I LOVE wine and beer. Well alcoholic drinks in general. I'm Catholic, what can I say?! ha It's been a bit more of a struggle to not have a drink when having a great meal that would be complemented by a drink (like steak and potato on the grill...a nice cold beer OR fried rice and baked chicken...a nice wine). The one weekend I did binge on beer (hey, I had a reason - Brew Bracket & a Purdue trip!), I paid for it for 2 weeks trying to lose that 3 pounds. UGH! I saw this on a blog my childhood friend, Lauren, sent me and it resonated with me. Victory will be mine!

One area that is not going so well is work. Don't get me wrong. I feel blessed to have a job that I like well enough and that pays better than most in this area. I am still majorly struggling with the decisions being made by our corporate office. Several others who do similar jobs to me are feeling the same pains of these changes. I feel that although the individual company I work for is doing well, we will go down in flames with the rest of the corporation due to their changes. I am constantly job searching, although I  have not applied anywhere in about a year. I wish my Scentsy business was at the level above where I am right now (we seem to be stuck as a team) so that I would feel more confident in venturing to something new. And being able to know I have Scentsy as a cushion. To add to my confusion over work, I continually get emails from Gonzaga about their online master's program. It was the last school I applied to a few years ago. I really really like their program, but my goal has been to completely wipe out my debt (not something I'd be accomplishing by adding in education payments). I just don't know if I have the energy to work full-time, exercise like it's my job (seriously I have to in order to keep losing the pounds), make time for Scentsy & Velata parties (because I want that to be my job), have time for dating (if I ever find someone who wants to date me AND that he is date-able - a new post coming on this soon!), and of course find the mental capacity to focus on studies (should I decide to pursue my Master's).

Feeling jumbled yet? I am!!! Along with those issues is of course drama with boys. ha I told my cousin Z about the ending with the electrician (we had dinner Friday night together - cousin not the "dad") and he was floored. He kept stopping our conversation and saying, "Really? Who freakin' does that?!?" I know, I know. My life is a soap opera. haha I know it'll all happen in good time. But with all those other things floating around my head, I often wonder if I even have what it takes to juggle everything at once. I know plenty of others do it. Maybe I just don't want any of it bad enough?? hmmmm...another new thought to ponder. I have some funny stories and not-so-funny stories to tell about trying to date on Match & OKCupid that I will get typed up sometime in the near future. Promise.


  1. I think I know how you feel - you know, about the part where things are going well, but something just doesn't seem quite right. It's an irritating feeling because you feel like if you just changed one thing, everything would fall into place and you'd be as happy as you could be.

    It definitely sounds like you don't have a lot of extra time for pursuing your master's, but I wonder how much extra time it would actually take. Like, what if it only added an extra hour and a half to your day? Do you think you could fit that in? Getting that degree might change everything for you at work, allowing you to get a job somewhere where you feel more secure, AND that would allow you to meet a whole slew of new people...maybe, just maybe, that's where you're supposed to meet your Prince Charming.

    Or maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who watches too many romantic comedies... :o)

    1. I'm sure it would take at least that 1.5 hours a day, but you're right. I could probably find that time somewhere in my day. I would love for it to be the stepping stone that puts me where I need to be to meet Prince Charming. ;) And trust me, I watch and read too many of the happily ever after stories...

  2. Mazel on the weight loss!! and happy ever after is the way to be ;).



  3. Hang in there.. there are still a few good ones left! :) I gotta admit though, I thought of you the other night.. it was an online dating site.. for farmers... only farmers.. (you know their the pick of the crop anyway! ;)

    1. hahaha...I'm betting I know which site you are talking about! I came across it LATE one night when I couldn't sleep and I don't think I've ever laughed that hard. Especially since I knew someone on it. :p A nice farm/country boy would make this girl happy. ha

  4. I feel you on the struggle with deciding whether or not to go back to school for a masters. I want to, I have always wanted to. However, like you, I don't want to add more debt in my pile. So for now I've decided to put this dream on hold. Hopefully I can revisit it!

    I kinda feel like once one area of my life gets out of balance, the other areas soon follow. Same with getting them realigned. Hang in there.

    Oh yeah and I'm not Catholic, but I'm a beer lover too! I think I drank my weight in beer on my long lake weekend. Ugh I felt so sluggish today too because of it. Happy Monday!

  5. I feel ya. I'm working off my wine from the weekend!



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